I was again alone in Africa this day in a hut in Olifants Camp. Even though I travel Africa alone seemingly a brave girl soldiering forth in life, I am also somewhat of a girly girl and the girly girl came out one day in that hut when I had to pee. All was well as I walked into the bathroom until - on the wall above the toilet - I spotted a huge spider. It may seem like the big fish that got away story but in my mind this guy had legs a foot long! How could I pee with him on the wall? What the heck was I going to do? What if I started to pee and he jumped on me? The scenarios that ran through my brain had no good outcomes.
I tip toed backwards out of the bathroom back into the main room of the hut and sat on the bed for probably a short eternity debating the situation. Bottom line; I had to pee, so I crept back into the bathroom to see if the spider was still on the wall and indeed he was. (I don’t know if I would have felt better if he wasn’t because I would then wonder where the heck he went.) The dilemma I found myself in was profound.
I looked for something to “remove” the spider; a flyswatter or anything; I had nothing except my shoe and I didn’t want him on my shoe. A lightbulb went off in my head albeit a dim one. I went into my cool box and opened a Savannah Dry. I was going to drown him in alcohol. I stood as far away from him as I could and still reach above him then tilted the bottle; prepared to bolt should he move but he stayed firm as the liquid poured over him and onto the floor. As I came to the last drop in the bottle he stayed stubbornly attached to the wall and the cider was then all over the floor.
I went back into the main room and shook my head flabbergasted at the audacity of that spider. I opened another Savannah Dry; this one for me as I tried to drown my fear in alcohol but that did nothing but make me have to pee more....
I went back in the bathroom and the spider was still right there on the wall. I looked around the bathroom in desperation and defeat. Ah Ha! I spotted a toilet brush. That’s the weapon! I took that toilet brush and bravely swung it at the spider. He moved. I screamed, slung the brush to places unknown and ran out of the bathroom. He may as well have been a black mamba chasing me.
A few minutes later back in the main room I was still desperate to pee. I crept back into the bathroom to see the state of the situation. I found the spider on the floor seemingly was doing the backstroke in the cider. I had no choice. I peed watching the swimming spider with scrutiny.
Two hours later I was talking to a ranger in the shop and told him of my huge spider; I have no idea how that conversation even began. After describing my gigantic monster spider to him he said it was nothing but a harmless spider they call a flattie. I didn’t bother to tell him that my spider was indeed now harmless since it was in my hut super drunk on Savanah Dry!